Companionship of a Different Kind

Happy National Dog Day!!!
In my struggle with this concussion, my dogs have been a vital support for me. As I spent months home alone unable to be around any of my friends, it was very lonely. My family had one dog, Cassie, who was a very sweet, calm old lady. But I needed some energy in my life so we decided to get another dog.
We adopted a shelter puppy named Alvin. Alvin and Cassie spent their days together wrestling and cuddling with me. Unfortunately at the age of 13, Cassie did pass away a year after we got Alvin.
But Alvin has a level of companionship with me that is incredible. The two of us are inseparable and he has gotten me through some of my darkest days.
Animals are the most  sympathetic and loving creatures. They are never too busy hanging out with friends, doing school work or playing sports to stop by and say hi.
They will always be there for you in your time of need.
 I love you Cassie and Alvin!!!

Alvin and I

Alvin on the Left and Cassie on the Right

Alvin on the Left and Cassie on the Right

Dogs

Finding Friendships that will Last

One of the most important factors that I have needed in my journey with this concussion is a great group of friends to support me. It took a really long time to figure out that a lot of people I wanted to have in that group, unfortunately, did not want to be there . But there are those few people whom I know are there for me and have been an amazing support to me.

When I first found out I had the concussion, I texted all my close friends and told them that I was gonna be out school and I would love to see and hear from them. Unfortunately all my friends were understandably busy with school, sports and the social life of high school which I completely understand. The problem was, I slipped through the cracks.

I was at home for 3 months solid before I made my first attempt at going back to school. When I got to school, I got some warm welcomes and caught up with some of my friends. But for others, I was given the cold shoulder. Some of my friends had moved on without me. They felt they didn't have the time to be there for me in my hardest struggle and I was told to my face that I was no longer their friend.

I also received hurtful comments that I'm sure were never intended to hurt me. But they did. Some one said "oh Alyssa I thought you moved to a different school." It was devastating knowing that so many people I had previously called my friends did not have the time to reach out to me in my time of need. I felt invisible.

Unfortunately for that whole school year , I only had one friend come visit me once. It was really hard for me to see my friends continue on with life at a pace that I couldn't. Most didn't or couldn't be there for me and I have to say that that was probably the best thing that could have happened.

I began to develop new friends. Friends I have things in common with. One good friend of mine suffers with a migraine disorder. Another friend that I have become close with also suffered with a concussion for a long time like me. All these new friends I have made all have similar experiences of dealing with issues you can't see on the outside. My new friends have the same compassion for problems that go beyond the surface.

This concussion has kind of been a blessing in disguise because it gave me the opportunity to truly test all of my friendships. The true depths of a relationship can only be revealed during the challenges of life. So I would like to say thank you to those who left me in my time of need. I know what it is like to be turned away and I am a better person with better friends because of it now.

The Need For Humility

It seems like now a days, everything is a competition. Whether it is in an actual sporting game or just the social side of life. Everything truly is a battle and compassion is nowhere to be found.

Constantly in high school, you can hear in the hallways and classrooms people boasting about what is going on in their own life. The biggest topic that frustrates me is injuries.

Everyone thinks it is really cool to brag about their injuries. What bones you've broken, how many x-rays you've had and of course, how fun the casts and crutches are. When people tell these stories, they often share them because they want to show off. For the most part, the injuries people brag about are not major problems because I have found that those that have suffer the most, are the humble ones.

After dealing with this concussion for almost two years, I really have never felt the need to brag about my medical problems because for me, they aren't an accomplishment. The successful part of my story are the trivial things I can get done like making it through a full day of school or being able to finish a homework assignment on time.

This concussion has opened my mind up to the people who suffer in silence. Unlike the injuries that come with casts and cool stories, the ones you cant see, like concussions, are almost always overlooked by peers.

With time, I have come to notice and listen to people with illnesses and struggles that most people don't see. Migraine disorders, anxiety problems and severe depression are just a few of the issues my classmates deal with in silence.

So the next time you want to brag about the horrible pain you are in from a sprained ankle, keep in mind that the people around more than likely are dealing with something greater than you. Give them support and listen before you speak.

The Road to Recovery... in the Form Treatment

Most of the time, a minor concussion will heal with time and rest. But in some cases, such as mine, symptoms don't go away within a few weeks. In this situation, many turn to other kinds of treatment.

I have tried almost every kind of drug possible to help decrease headaches. None of them have significantly helped my headaches and others did not work due to bad side effects such as numbness,  limb pain and agitation. I have been and continue to be on a dose of medicine which helps with the neck pain. I also take medicine to help me sleep better (trouble sleeping is another common result of a concussion).  There is one medication that I found works for me but it is actually the low dose of an anit-seizure medication. Although it has helped somewhat with the headaches, we have had to continually increase the dose because my system becomes use to the medicine. Unfortunately, that medicine has not helped in the past few months so there has not been great success in the drug side of treatment for me.

I have tried other alternatives. For my neck pain, which correlates back to my concussion, I have done myo-fascial release. This is a type of massage that hits certain trigger points to help relieve tension, which in turn, decreases my headaches. Similarly, I have tried acupuncture. This also had helped my headaches for a few months, but the effects later wore off as time went on.

I have also been tested in certain areas to help eliminate any other possible cause of my headaches and visual problems. I had a full eye exam to eliminate that my headaches weren't caused by poor eye vision. But my eyes are completely normal. I have also been tested for vestibular problems. This means that they checked to make sure the balance in my inner ear was not causing my symptoms. Unfortunately, they also ruled that out in my case.

Most recently, I tried another form of treatment to help decrease the headaches. It is called a nerve block. The treatment consist of injecting needles with an anesthetic to help numb the signals being sent to my brain to temporarily relieve pain. The goal was to do six injections in my lower head, neck and shoulder but unfortunately, we were only able to do two injections because I began to pass out. Unfortunately the nerve block injections did not work to decrease my headaches.


Although it has been frustrating to not find treatment that has helped me, there are always new studies being done and I am hopeful that I will continue to see progress in my pain level. Also, just because some of these treatments have or have not worked for me, doesn't mean that they will or will not work for you! Good luck! :)

Just Because You're Told You're Ready, Doesn't Mean You Are

As soon as I received my concussion, the doctors at the Emergency Room had told me that concussions usually last for a couple of weeks. So I expected to be back on the soccer field in no time. I went to practices, made team t-shirts and went to games as much as I possibly could. I wanted my coach to know that as soon as I was cleared, I would be playing soccer.

Unfortunately, I learned from the concussion clinic at Boston Children's Hospital that it would not be as simple getting back on the field as I thought. I was told that once my symptoms had gone away, I would need to start on a low cardio workout like jogging or using a elliptical. After another week, I could try full cardio running. The next week, I could start doing non-contact soccer drills and finally, I  would be able to move up to full contact soccer.

The problem was, my symptoms weren't going away and I didn't have the energy to even make it to practices after enduring a full day of school. A little while later, I was completely pulled from school so sports was not even an option that Fall.

That winter, I started having a decrease in my pain with the headaches and visual problems. I also received a letter being asked to come to a scouting convention for softball and I was ecstatic! The problem was, my symptoms weren't completely gone and if I wanted to make it to this conference, I would have to begin training now to be ready on time.

I went back to the concussion clinic and explained my situation to my doctor. He said that I could begin working out. I could do light workouts like fielding grounders and going to the batting cages BUT if my symptoms increased in pain, I had to stop! AND I needed to stay at a low headache level for a month before returning back to softball.

I began going to the batting cages and it felt good! I was getting back into the groove of being an athlete. Next, I began working on my position at short stop. Immediately, I realized I had a problem. Every time the ball would come at me on the ground, I would have to bend over to get it. But every time I bent over to get the ball, my head began to pound. Everything would go blurry and I was I pain. 

But being an athlete, I pushed through the pain and continued to train. That February, I went to the convention and began playing softball. At first, things went well. I wasn't in the best shape that I normally was but i could keep up with the drills. 

As time wore on, I felt my head start to hurt and I began to feel very dizzy. But I didn't want to stop. I didn't want these scouts to see me giving up so I pushed through the pain. That was a big mistake.

The physical workout I accomplished that one day set back my entire body completely. My headaches were as bad as they had ever been and I could barely make it through school while having to take the state-wide test, MCAS, that following week.

I had completely overloaded my system and I, again, had to be pulled from school for the rest of my sophomore year. 

There were really two main problems that caused me to have this major set back.

The first being that just because my doctor said that I was cleared to go back to playing sports, I really wasn't ready. Unfortunately, a doctor can never be entirely sure that an athlete suffering from a concussion is ready to go back to sports. A concussion isn't like a broken bone where you can take an x-ray and physically see that the bone has healed. There isn't a full proof system for determining a concussion is over. The doctors can only take their best guess.

The second issue I had was that I didn't listen to my body when I knew I needed to pull myself from the game. Being like any other athlete, we are constantly told to push through the pain and that is exactly what I did.

It really isn't worth it to push your brain beyond what it can handle. No doctor can know what is entirely going on. It is up to you to take your health into your own hands and decide when it is time for you to play the game.

Learning How to Listen

When I first explained to my friends the severity of my concussion, only a few of them were supportive. The problem is, most people don't know how to deal with a situation that they can't visually see. So I have gotten a lot of responses that fit into two frustrating categories.

The first, being pity. One of my best friends at the time would only respond to what I was dealing with by saying "you poor thing" or "I'm so sorry." For me, this was very frustrating because I wasn't looking for pity. I needed support and understanding. But because I looked completely fine from the outside, most people don't know what to say to me. A brain injury is like any other kind of illness. It is a struggle that needs support and comfort from others.

The second reaction I get a lot is when people try to connect my story to something they have heard of in their own life. I could list off endless stories of people associating me to their cousin with a seizure disorder or their neighbor having chronic migraines... As much as people tell these stories to try to connect with what I am dealing with, their stories usually have nothing to do with me. Most people have never heard of words like reflex sympathetic dystrophy, chronic regional pain syndrome or post concussive syndrome. But they know what headaches and brain injury is so that is what they want to talk about.


We only know what we know. So if you ask me or any one else to tell a personal story, you should listen. We open up to give you the opportunity to learn from our hardships :)

School's Challenges

After I got home from the hospital, I had about a week to rest up before the school year began. I took that time to just hang out and relax in hopes of feeling a lot better by the time school started.

As I went back to school that first week, I noticed I had some serious problems. Previously, I had been a straight A student and could multi task accomplishing anything that needed to be done. But now, I couldn't focus in the class at all. I couldn't remember anything that I was told or memorize information from a lesson. The florescent lights in the classrooms made my headache horrible and having to read even the smallest amount made my vision go completely blurry. As I walked through the hallways with the loud noises, I began to feel very dizzy like I would almost faint. To say the least, I was not myself.

After struggling to get through a full day of school, it was impossible to do anything afterschool. Putting all of my effort into dealing with the headaches meant I couldn't make it to soccer practices or to even do homework once I got home.

As the weeks progressed and my symptoms stayed the same, it was clear to my parents and I that school right now was not an option. I ended up going to my pediatrician and the Concussion Clinic at Boston Children's Hospital where thy advised that I be completely pulled from school to let my brain rest.

Although it was a relief knowing that my days would be a little less stressful and painful, I was devastated that I would not be seeing my friends or returning to any kind of a normal life.

The school assigned me tutors that came a few times a week. One focused on English and History while another taught me in Chemistry and Math. Unfortunately, as the weeks continued, I realized the immense amount of work I was behind on and we decided that if there was any chance of me catching up, I would have to drop Latin.

My days continued in this manner: sleep in as late as possible, (because without sleep, my headaches were unbearable) and do a small amount of homework followed by constantly taking breaks (because any kind of visual work I had to do, increased the headaches and blurred vision).

Around December, I had seen a little improvement in my headaches so my doctors decided it would be good for me to try going back to school. I went back slowly only going in for 1 period a day then coming home and completely crashing because that took all my energy out of me. Eventually, I tried to go in for half days, then full days as much as I could tolerate. Things seemed to be getting better as I had a study and tutors to continue helping me catch up.

Unfortunately, that February, I had a horrible set back. I pushed myself too far while playing softball after I was cleared by my doctor to go back to non-contact sports. I also had MCAS that week and my brain completely shut down. My symptoms came back as strong as they had ever been and yet again, I had to be pulled from school.

With tons of hard work, I was barely able to finish the school year on time. My parents and I had a good laugh when we calculated I had only been in school for 40 DAYS that whole year!! Unfortunately, I did have to take an incomplete in geometry which meant my junior year, I would have to retake half of the course but I was just glad I had the summer time to rest.


This past year in school, I went back to school hoping to feel a lot better and be able to tolerate more. But still, I struggled with the headaches, concentration issues and blurred vision. I still never completed a full week of school because I would sleep in some days, leave early or not make it in at all. I was able to tolerate a lot more since my memory problems were better and I was able finish on time but it again was a struggle at times with the headaches and vision problems.

I have found that education is a really big issue when it comes to concussions. In my experience, teachers either understand where you're coming from or they don't. I have had some phenomenal teachers who have worked with me, made accommodations and have helped me understand and succeed. I have also had teachers that do not care about the circumstances that I am dealing with and feel that I should be able to function at the same level that a normal teenager can because I look completely fine. But as much as I would like to, I cant.

Accommodations is another huge part to success in school!! Any doctor can fill out a list of concussion accommodations that can include:
-Extra time to complete tests
-testing over multiple sessions
-testing in a quiet environment
-reduce length of tests
-workload reduction
-note taking
-breaks

School has been a difficult part of my life because it had previously been a proud accomplishment of mine. I have had to teach myself how to learn in a completely different way. My grades have dropped slightly but I have maintained them enough to be in the National Honor Society in my school. I have found some great tools that I will continue to use to overcome these debilitating symptoms on a daily basis.